Quick Shifts

Each week I bring you the top stories in the auto industry along with my commentary or sometimes amusing thoughts about the craziness that goes on in the world of cars.   

• Cole Trickle Returns: Cruise Control Is Off the Rails
• When You Accidentally Valet a Rolls for a Quarter Century
• The Case of the Stairmaster Mercedes
• Flight 312 Touches Down, Immediately Loses Direction and Dignity
  

Cole Trickle Returns: Cruise Control Is Off the Rails. Tom Cruise is strapping back into the firesuit for a sequel to Days of Thunder, because apparently driving at 200 mph in a circle just wasn’t dangerous enough the first time. Now in his sixties but with the sprinting form of a caffeinated gazelle, Cruise is returning as Cole Trickle, possibly the only NASCAR driver who could also plausibly be recruited by MI6 mid-race. Details are light, but if the original was a tire-smoking romance between man, machine, and soft lighting, the sequel promises more—more speed, more stunts, and definitely more moments where Tom stares seriously into the middle distance while explosions happen behind him. Producer Jerry Bruckheimer is on board, because of course he is, and reportedly the plot involves Cole coming out of retirement to take on a younger, faster generation of racers—think Top Gun: Maverick but with fewer planes and more pit stops. Expect scenes where Trickle parachutes into Daytona from a helicopter, tunes his own carburetor with one hand while defusing a bomb with the other, and probably makes a romantic speech about drafting strategy. Rumors suggest Jeff Gordon may make a cameo, possibly as the grizzled team owner who only speaks in metaphors about tire wear. Nicole Kidman has not confirmed her return, but in this rebooted world she could just as easily be a rival crew chief or a AI built into the dash of Cole’s new car. The movie’s tagline might as well be “If you’re not first, you’re Tom Cruise,” and honestly, that’s fair. With Cruise doing his own stunts, there’s a real chance he’ll actually drive a stock car sideways through a skyscraper. Again. Whether this revved-up return to Thunder Road is a nostalgic victory lap or a nitrous-fueled fever dream, one thing’s certain—there’s no brake pedal when Tom Cruise is behind the wheel.

When You Accidentally Valet a Rolls for a Quarter Century.  Back in the swinging ’60s, actor Richard Harris—better known to younger fans as the original Dumbledore—was living the high life in New York City, doing press tours, throwing back double vodkas, and apparently misplacing luxury automobiles. After one such escapade, he parked his bespoke Rolls-Royce Phantom V in an underground Manhattan garage and… simply forgot about it. For twenty-five years. Like a wizard casting an accidental spell on his own car, Harris flew home to the UK and never gave the Phantom a second thought. Fast forward to the late ’90s when someone jogged his memory—maybe a dusty photo or an accountant screaming about a missing asset and a mountain of parking fees—and suddenly there was a frantic effort to recover the long-lost limo. It was found still tucked away, likely confused about why no one had come back with a valet ticket. The car was eventually shipped overseas, lovingly restored, and later auctioned off before Harris passed away in 2002. The man may have battled trolls, brewed potions, and taught Harry Potter the importance of love, but he also managed to completely ghost a Rolls-Royce for a quarter century. And the moral of this story? If you’re ever gifted a hand-built Phantom and intend to drink like you’re rehearsing for a role in Pirates of the Caribbean, maybe tie a string to it—or at least leave a note on your fridge. Even Dumbledore needed a reminder now and then.

The Case of the Stairmaster Mercedes.  It was just another quiet Roman morning until an 80-year-old man decided to give his Mercedes A-Class a taste of ancient architecture by attempting to drive it straight down the Spanish Steps, one of the city’s most treasured landmarks and definitely not listed on Waze as a shortcut. Witnesses say the compact hatchback made it about a quarter of the way before getting stuck like an espresso bean in a meat grinder, prompting stunned tourists to stop snapping selfies and start filming the world’s least graceful descent. Local police arrived to find the driver completely sober but possibly due for an eye exam or a new prescription for common sense, as he reportedly thought he was simply turning onto a narrow road. Firefighters eventually craned the car out of its limestone cradle while Rome’s cultural ministry checked for damage and briefly closed the site, presumably while mumbling things in Italian that don’t translate well into polite English. Miraculously, the steps suffered only minor scrapes and the Mercedes only a bruised ego, but the incident reignited memories of a similar Maserati mishap back in 2022, suggesting Italy might need to start handing out maps with pictures. As for the driver, he earned a citation and a firm reminder that just because your car can technically fit between two marble balustrades doesn't mean it should. Moral of the story: when in Rome, do as the Romans do—walk the steps, don’t reenact The Italian Job in reverse.

Flight 312 Touches Down, Immediately Loses Direction and Dignity. Passengers aboard JetBlue Flight 312 probably thought they were home free when their Airbus A220 touched down smoothly at Boston Logan—until the plane decided to channel its inner SUV and veer off the runway like it had just spotted a deer in the terminal. Instead of a short taxi to the gate, the aircraft made a dramatic detour straight into the grass, coming to a polite but confused stop somewhere between "what just happened" and "do planes do that?" Turns out the plane lost all steering control after landing, which is not ideal when your job is to drive straight on the world's most expensive driveway. Emergency crews responded immediately, not to a crash but to a 90,000-pound vehicle doing donuts in the clover. The airport shut down a major runway for hours, delaying over 1,000 flights and giving Logan’s ground crew an unscheduled exercise in lawn maintenance. Passengers were eventually bussed to the terminal, where some likely reconsidered their stance on window seats and others tried to Google if "off-roading" is a certified aviation maneuver. The good news: no injuries, no damage, just a very embarrassed aircraft that wanted a little off-tarmac adventure. The not-so-good news: passengers now have a story that begins with “we landed fine… and then the plane decided to go rogue.” Moral of the story? Airplanes should stay off the grass unless they’re part of an airshow or starring in Planes 3: Turf Trouble.

Photo editorial credit: Fred Duval / Shutterstock.com. (June 22, 2023: Tom Cruise attends the UK Premiere of "Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One" at Odeon Luxe Leicester Square in London, England.)