Each week I bring you the top stories in the auto industry along with my commentary or sometimes amusing thoughts about the craziness that goes on in the world of cars.
Stories you’ll find today:
Ferrari: 1, Thieves: 0. It turns out that even thieves know brand cachet when they see it, because a pair of crooks recently decided to liberate a Ferrari from a Ram dealership, only to immediately turn their high-end heist into a spectacular display of why impulse crime and horsepower don’t mix when you don’t know how to drive, as the allegedly stolen supercar promptly slammed into a concrete barrier in the lot and came to rest on its side with a general air of “we should’ve picked something slower.” Dealership security footage shows the joyride begin with wild acceleration and end with an abrupt physics lesson, leaving the once-sleek prancing horse looking like a very expensive lawn ornament. The suspects bailed on foot, because every bad decision has a second act, and authorities were left collecting evidence, rubbing their temples, and wondering aloud why thieves think that stealing something you cannot operate at speed is a good plan. In short, the only thing faster than the Ferrari that day was the timeline between theft and wreck.
Officer Chases Bike Thief in Borrowed Pickup. In Washington State this week, a police officer proved that sometimes the best pursuit vehicle isn’t a cruiser with lights and sirens but whatever truck happens to be parked nearby, because when a thief on a bicycle took off with stolen property in tow, the responding officer hopped into a pickup parked at the scene and gave chase, turning what might have been a casual pedal to freedom into an improvised rodeo sprint; the suspect didn’t stand a chance once 4x4 torque met two-wheeled pedal power, and the whole thing ended with cuffs, the bike reclaimed, and a great reminder that law enforcement ingenuity sometimes looks a lot like borrowing your neighbor’s ride, which is exactly the sort of sentence you don’t expect to read in most police reports but here we are sharing it.
Chevrolet to America: “Stop Calling Us Chevy”. GM once decided the real crisis facing Chevrolet wasn’t horsepower, incentives, or whether the cupholders could hold a modern American beverage, but the fact that everybody kept calling it “Chevy.” The company tried to steer the public back to “Chevrolet,” pushing the full name in marketing and branding like it was correcting a kid who keeps using a nickname at Thanksgiving dinner. The problem, of course, is that “Chevy” isn’t a mistake, it’s a cultural habit baked in over generations, and it’s shorter, friendlier, and easier to say when you’re leaning over a service counter arguing about a warranty. GM learned what every parent learns eventually: you can insist all you want, but the world is going to call you what it wants to call you, and “Chevy” has been winning that vote for about a century. If nothing else, it’s a reminder that brand managers can fight many battles, but they cannot defeat human laziness, affection, and syllable count.
Florida Man Drives Burning Car While Drunk. Florida once again delivered a masterclass in “please don’t do this,” as a man allegedly wound up behind the wheel of his own burning car — with his wife still inside — after a night of heavy drinking, because nothing says responsible adulting like fighting gravity, fire, and good sense all at once; by the time first responders arrived the vehicle was actively engulfed and the situation had gone from “bad idea” straight to “please explain yourself,” leaving everyone involved with the uncomfortable reminder that alcohol and automobiles have an ongoing feud dating back to whenever humans first put wheels on rocks. Reports suggest the wife was thankfully able to get out before things turned much worse, which might be the only real silver lining in an otherwise textbook example of why drunk driving laws exist, common sense should be mandatory, and no amount of “hold my beer” bravado ever ends well. It’s a grim scene with a predictably bad punchline: if your car is literally on fire, maybe let someone sober do the talking.