Each week I bring you the top stories in the auto industry along with my commentary or sometimes amusing thoughts about the craziness that goes on in the world of cars.
Stories you’ll find today:
Cadillac Invents the Pumpkin Spice Latte You Can Drive. Cadillac clearly looked at the 2026 Escalade IQ and thought this thing is massive, expensive, electric, and futuristic, but you know what it really needs, not better range or a smaller turning radius, but two different shades of orange, so now buyers can pick Monarch Orange, which is essentially the color of a traffic cone dipped in candy, available only on the Sport trim for people who want their neighbors to see them coming from three blocks away, or Adobe Frost, a burnt copper pumpkin spice latte on wheels for Luxury trims, which Cadillac describes as refined but really just looks like your SUV is ready to be carved for Halloween, and the best part is they’re marketing this like a serious choice, like people are sitting in showrooms debating, do I want to blind pedestrians or just confuse them, and let’s be honest, Cadillac has finally cracked the code of seasonal fashion because the Escalade IQ now doubles as a fall wardrobe accessory, so instead of asking pumpkin spice or peppermint mocha, the real question is which shade of orange matches your yoga pants.
Six Years, One Helmet, Zero Common Sense. For six years Czech police were baffled as a mystery racer in what looked like a Ferrari F1 car roared down public highways like it was Monaco qualifying, except instead of pit crews and champagne there were grocery-getters swerving out of the way, and this phantom driver became local legend, a helmeted ghost of Michael Schumacher haunting the Autobahn-adjacent, until the cops finally cornered him and plot twist, his scarlet speed machine wasn’t a Ferrari at all but a Dallara GP2 car in cosplay, which is like showing up to Comic-Con in a fake Iron Man suit and still getting arrested for trespassing, and the kicker is the guy was 51 years old, still suited up in full race gear like he was waiting for Martin Brundle to interview him on the grid, and when the chase ended it wasn’t in some dramatic final stand but in his own driveway with cops and a helicopter pointing out that maybe going home is not the ideal escape strategy, so now he’s looking at fines and possibly a year without a license, which feels like handing a parking ticket to someone who turned the interstate into Silverstone, but at least he can still wear the helmet while mowing his lawn and whispering “pole position” to himself between laps around the rose bushes.
Man Hurls Rock, Accidentally Launches Own Arrest Video. In Colorado, a man decided his beef with a police photo enforcement van required more than just muttering under his breath, so he lobbed a ten-pound rock through the window like he was auditioning for a spot in the shot put finals, only problem is there was a technician inside who got dinged up in the process, and the $2,600 in damage didn’t exactly help his case, but here’s the kicker—the van’s own cameras didn’t catch the act, instead nearby city surveillance cameras did, so the guy essentially gave a live performance for the police’s big screen, and when they arrested Dillan Roker, they discovered he already had a warrant, so now he’s charged with attempted first-degree assault, criminal mischief, and third-degree assault, proving once again that attacking a van meant to catch speeders is like challenging a fish to a swimming contest, you’re going to lose and you’re going to look ridiculous doing it.
Barbie’s Dream Jeep, Ken’s Nightmare DUI. Some people dream of cruising in a Corvette, others settle for a Camry, but one Canadian man decided Barbie’s Dream Jeep was the perfect ride for a night on the town until police reminded him that Power Wheels don’t come with diplomatic immunity, especially when you’re allegedly drunk behind the wheel, or rather behind the pink plastic steering wheel with stickers for gauges, because nothing screams “responsible motorist” like taking a child-sized toy Jeep into real traffic, holding up actual cars while your little Fisher-Price tires spin for dear life, and while the top speed might barely beat a brisk jog, the charges definitely aren’t child’s play, as the cops slapped him with a DUI proving once again that even if your ride was built for playdates and driveway fun, the law doesn’t care whether you’re driving a Ferrari or a Fisher-Price fantasy, if you’re impaired in traffic you’re going to end up parked in jail instead of Barbie’s Dream Garage.